Damn

Sometimes things can be so frustrating.. ><

Oh my first world problems...

Finals start tomorrow...

Tomorrow I have Chemistry Final Part One (that's right, my Chemistry Final is in TWO parts) and Chemistry Lab Final/Test and for some reason I just can't seem to focus on studying for either one of them. I know, that's really bad... I'm quite worried about it too.. Yet no matter how hard I try to buckle down I just can't seem to do it. It's aggravating to say the least. I'm sure once tomorrow ends, and I have Tuesday to study for Calculus, Chemistry Part Two, AND Biology then I'll be able to focus.. At least for the day. Just three more days. It's been tough, I've still got a ton of Calculus work I need to finish.. Once finals are over I'll have till the 20th to get them done. I keep telling myself I don't think I'll have any problem getting them done, yet for some reason I continue to drag my feet on them. I'm pretty sure I'm getting burned out, but I just need to stick it out a little bit longer. Just a little bit.

I'm not going to lie, I haven't been all too focused and haven't really forced myself to be either. I think with all that's been going on I just haven't wanted to focus on anything really.. Or just that there's so much I can't focus on any one thing. With finals coming up, I can't focus on getting the calculus work done, but with the calculus work that needs to be done I can't focus on studying for finals. It's like.. a double edged sword.

I guess I don't really have much to talk about.. I'm just having trouble focusing.. I think it's because I'm not all that worried about chemistry or chemistry lab.. I KNOW I can't get an A in Chemistry, and I'm rather certain with all my hard work I'll get an A in Lab... So that's practically a surefire A and B grade. Maybe that's why it's so hard to focus on them, because I'm pretty sure I already know what grade I'm going to get? I guess my real focus needs to be Calculus.. If I can get an A on my final, I'll get an A in the class, it's highly unlikely.. Especially since I missed all of last week. But I have tomorrow morning (or actually technically later this morning) to study for it. Funny enough, I only need a 50% on the final to get a B in the class. This is all of course assuming I do ALL of the homework that's due at the end of the semester (the 20th). I have about 220 calculus problems left. Granted, whenever I'm doing calculus I've also been watching Buffy... If I JUST did calculus and didn't watch TV while doing the work I'd probably get the problems done a LOT faster. Again, focus issues.... So in that sense.. It seems pretty easy for me to get a B in Calculus...

I'm having "First World" problems I guess, lol. I'm so sure I'm going to do well in all my classes ( because unless I completely BOMB my finals I'll do well) I can't bring myself to focus on studying for them. I know what a lot of people are probably thinking, (well, those of you who read my blog, haha), "Seriously? You're bitching because you're doing well in school?" I'm not really bitching, haha, so much as I'm just annoyed that I can't get myself to focus. I like to do great, not 'good' and at this rate, I'm doing 'good'. Not that 'good' is 'bad', it's just not 'great'. Is it so wrong to strive to achieve greatness? It's hard to strive for greatness when you're unmotivated >/

And I know I have a lot more pressing matters to focus on. Like moving, finding a place to live, etc etc, but none of those are on my mind at the moment.. They'll probably become more precedent when I get closer to moving time (January/February). Till then it's out of sight, out of mind.

December will be full of going through old stuff and selling it. Which reminds me, I need to send my friend a text with what manga I have that she's interested in buying....

Well! Since I don't have anything actually useful to write, and I'm just bitching about my first world problems about how I'm doing well in college but not as well as I WANT to be doing, I guess I should shut up and stop sounding like such a douche. Don't worry, I have plenty of legitimate issues going on for me to complain about, but for some reason I'm not actually in the mood to complain about anything...

In fact, despite having not studied for finals at all and stuff... I'm in a pretty good mood. Funny how life is like that sometimes.

Time to write to try to make myself sleepy.

So.... I know I totally bombed at least one test... But then again, I did great on another so... I guess it evens out? I did the math and even if I get a 50% on my final in calculus I'll get a B so I guess there's not much to worry when it comes to that class, as long as I do all my homework and get 100% on them, which is easy, just time consuming.  So it's 10:30 at night, not late.. But I'd like to go to bed early and maybe get up early to do some extra homework. If I want to get all of my calculus homework done in seven days, I have to do about 47 calculus problems a day. It's not all due in seven days, but I'd like to get it done by then. I just need to make sure I break those 47 problems throughout the day, if I try to do them all at once everyday I'll burn myself out. Few problems here, few problems there, do some other studying. I have nothing going on since I'm still recovering from surgery (no work) so I have no excuse to not be studying a LOT. And with finals coming up in two weeks, I SHOULD be studying a LOT, so I'm going to dammit!

Now that I've got that out of the way... I'm pretty sure I'll finish this semester with a 3.25 of a 3.5 GPA. The 3.5 is POSSIBLE, but VERY VERY VERY unlikely.. I have to do EXCEPTIONALLY WELL on my chemistry final to manage a high B so my teacher will curve me up to an A. That'll get me my second A for the semester and bring my GPA to a 3.5. Good luck to me!

Moving on... Today I got back from a little day vacation with Jeremiah to Barona. It was nice. We went gambling on the casino's dime and went home with $600. We started with $100 in comp cash to Jeremiah, so the money was all his; but he gave me $100 of the winnings when we left since I gambled with it too and helped with that $600 he walked out with. That and he owed me fifty bucks. Heh. Anyway, we went the day before, got a comped hotel room, comped buffet dinner, comped gambling money. The only thing either of us spent money on was gas to get there and back; and considering how much we went home with, I'm not complaining.

So, I'm listening to this video on youtube by the Piano Guys, they're quite amazing. I'm currently listening to their version of "Bring him Home" from Les Misérables... It's beautiful.


Onward.. I guess I don't really have much to talk about... While we were on our little day vacation I must have eaten something I shouldn't have because my stomach started hurting and I didn't feel well for a few hours, which made me feel even worse that my poor mood was bringing Jeremiah down... I really really hate it when something beyond my control happens, but it doesn't just effect me negatively, but in turn effects Jeremiah. I just end up feeling worse because of the guilt.


Once the semester's over, I'm debating what I want to do.. I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to pick up a second job that I can work in the evenings, so long as it doesn't effect my availability of my primary animal care job. Maybe I can get a second animal care job for the evenings, that will be difficult, but it's not impossible. Maybe even just a job delivering pizzas, if I went with that, I could listen to books on tape in my car, I just wonder if the pay will be worth the wear and tear on my car...


I keep getting distracted from writing, and now it's 11:15 at night. I went off onto craigslist and started looking up available night jobs. I'll probably start donating blood and stuff too, because you get paid like.. 20 bucks each time you do it. You can donate plasma twice in seven days, but blood only once every 8 weeks.. Either way, that's an extra 40 bucks a week I could be making just from plasma, if I did it twice a week every week. That's 160 bucks a month of extra money. I wonder if you have to report that money on taxes, or if it's over the counter... Hmm.. Either way, my focus for the next month (once class ends) is to make as much money as I can. Gonna be having a garage sale soon too.


It's funny, my blog is called "Zombies, dogs, and stuff" and I haven't talked about zombies or dogs really.. Heh... Well, tomorrow is pictures with santa for the dogs! We'll have pics of Athena and Koi with santa! :D This isn't really working for trying to make myself sleepy.. At all.... Gah! That's frustrating! Ok ok so what's on my mind.. Money.. I need to make more of it. Before that, study for finals. Pretty straight forward December if you ask me. I hate being motivate to do one thing, and it's the second step of the plan. I'm motivated to make money NOW but I have to finish out the semester FIRST. Blah. Isn't it frustrating how motivation work that way? It's funny, despite how much I love video games, I haven't played any in months. I played a LITTLE of Skyrim and less of Dead Island, which sucks, I love achievement hunting and life's been WAY too busy for it. At least I can prioritize my school over my games, hahaha.


Either way... I'm going to TRY to get some sleep now... Goodnight!

Things going on these next few weeks...

So, for the next two weeks I still can't go back to work due to recovering from surgery, and the week I go back to work I have finals for school. But let's back up a little...

Last week I had surgery on Tuesday, Jeremiah has been taking care of me since. On Thursday (Thanksgiving) I wasn't invited to dinner at my brother's house because his wife's family was invited, and they're religious and wouldn't exactly approve of my lifestyle choices. I'm totally fine with that, I don't mind not going to family events in order to avoid making people feel awkward.. But please don't keep me in the dark about it, I would have appreciated it if people would have communicated this to me rather than finding out through my step mom that they were having Thanksgiving dinner without me.. And what's worse is her family didn't even end up showing, it was just my brother, his wife, my mom, and my cousin... It would have been nice if I got a call/invite... They knew I wasn't doing anything...

Friday rolled around, went to my dad's for Thanksgiving dinner with a Danchise heavy turnout (Danchise is my step mom's side of the family). It was the first time I was "Me" at a family event.. But not everyone knows so it's still kind of awkward knowing how I'm suppose to act. Be me 100%, or pretend around the people I don't think know or.. What? Needless to say it was awkward, it'd be a lot easier if people could just communicate better to their loved ones... Alas, it was still kind of nice.. It took a lot out of me though, having just had surgery on Tuesday..

So that was last week, the weekend was spent dozing in and out of sleep while recovering.. I DID have lunch with my mom though, it was.. interesting.. Pleasant.. I was pleased with it. She bought me baby wipes. :)
(needed them since I can't shower while recovering, not till the bandages come off).

Monday (Today), back to school.. I didn't study nearly as much as I wanted during the break.. I took a really poor biology test. I managed to get out of taking my calculus test because I was in so much pain from driving to school on my own, but I do have to take it sometime this week.. Tomorrow (or, technically later today), I have therapy with my step mom and Dad... We'll see how that goes, I have high hopes that it'll go well. I also have a post operation appointment. Wednesday I have a chemistry test, another biology test, and I'll have to take that calculus test I managed to fandangel my way out of from Monday. Three tests in one day... Thursday Jeremiah and I are going to get a comped room at Barona, gamble on the casino's dime, get dinner, just to get away from the world for a day/evening.. hopefully get a little kid ninja time in there, but I don't have high hopes for that... Still recovering from surgery...

The following week I have no work, I do have a few homework assignments due, no tests.. But I do have therapy with my mom... That will be a tough one.... -Deep breath and crosses fingers.- Let's hope it goes well..

And the week after that is finals week. Right after finals I SHOULD be able to go back to work. Money will resume it's very minimal flow. Here's to hoping we get tons of hours for the holidays, which I'm sure we will. We're a boarding facility, people go out of town on holidays, pets need to be taken care of. Oh! So those of you who don't know, I'm an animal care technician. Technically I'm able to resume "modified" work right now, but since there isn't much "modified" work for me to do, I'm just not being scheduled until I can resume full work.

So.. There's a lot of stuff on my plate.. A lot of stressful factors going on in my life.. Plus, as long as my grades are good my dad will give me money for living expenses.. I'm worried he won't continue to help me if my GPA is just a 3.0... A 3.0 is not good... >< But life this semester was just SO incredibly stressful.. I hope he understand that my future semesters won't be as insane as this one. Moving out on my own (no roommates, and being homeless for a few days at that), going through the stress/drama/ups and downs with Jeremiah, surgery, work... Chaos....

I just keep telling myself, "One day at a time. Keep your head down and keep going. One day at a time."

The focus for tomorrow/today in order of priority: Therapy, post op appointment, Study for... Chemistry Test, Calculus Test, Biology Test